Here they are, at long last. Consider this the CRAPPY SPORTSWRITING VERSION (unless you considered the rest of the recaps that version, in which case: good one).
MANHATTAN - The Cray's Nest was knocked from its tree by an unlikely Beast of Burden Thursday night, while the Hospital Bombers conducted an air raid that made Team Fouls cry foul, and the Layup Line Heroes said 'thank you very much' to Dunk-a Schoen in an effort that was positively heroic.
Layup Line Heroes 51, Dunk-a Schoen 34
Things looked bad for the Heroes going into this game, and some thought they would be caught unaware by their opponents. Luckily, they had a hall pass...a Colby Hall pass, that is. The former Jayhawk scored 19 points to lead his teammates to their second win of the year. He and Keith Gormley scored well over half of the Heroes' points, and on the way took a pound of flesh...or should I say a pound of Fleisch...from Dunk-a Schoen. And while Heinz may have 64 flavors, Zach Heinzerling only scored 10 points, while Ben Weitmarschen must have had a few Weit-Russians before the game, as he only scored 8.
Beast of Burden 48, The Cray's Nest 38
"Call me Ishmael" is the opening line of one of the world's most famous books, but after dealing with Beast of Burden, all The Cray's Nest could say was "stop it, Ismael!" I'm referring, of course, to Ismael Rodriguez, who scored 16. Rafael Rodriguez, his brother, got into some double trouble with 22. It's the first loss of the season for The Cray's Nest, and their three high scorers, Gene, Vance, and Lars, should have been called Spleen, Ants, and SARS. Am I right? Rough one all around. PS, Beast of Burden cheated, the league is still reviewing this one.
Hospital Bombers 49, Team Fouls 39
Steve Friedman overdosed on gumption last week, scoring 19 points to spearhead the lastest Hospital Bomber massacre. This week, their center of operations was the burn ward, and Nate Purinton, Bob Van Kolken, and Kerry Brown added to the carnage with 10 each. Zach Smith and Kyle Ervin had 12 apiece for Team Fouls, but they might as well have stayed home and cried themselves to sleep. Why? I'm not sure, but this is probably the worst recap ever. I promise to try harder next week. I love you all.